Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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