no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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