I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
