Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
