mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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