My friends, they love my intelligence
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
