I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
