new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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