There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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