she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
