I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
