i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
