I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
