So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
