Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
