just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
