your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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