I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
