I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sobbing to NWA
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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