Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
