It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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