My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
