the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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