Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
