Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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