Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
