i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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