i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
