If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
