I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
