Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
