I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
