another moral hangover. fuck.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
