I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
