Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
