just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't deserve a penis
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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