Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
