eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
