I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
