He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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