dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
