I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
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We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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