I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
