I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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