Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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