Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
