Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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