I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
