theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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