i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
