All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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