You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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