trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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