I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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