Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
