margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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