i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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