Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
