I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
