Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
