Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
