I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
