so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
