i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
