If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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