You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
