You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
