im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
