maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
