My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He shit in the fireplace
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
