My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
