Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
