I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
