A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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