Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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