I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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