gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
there is glitter all over my balls
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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