they need to just BURY HIM!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
