All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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