I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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