The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
