If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
