this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
