I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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