shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
50% drunk capacity currently
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
