i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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