Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
