I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
